Sunday, December 18, 2005

Networking: Part Deux

Gravity snatches the peach
the shimmering green of Spring

The clarity of vision on the beach
prodigal clouds that whistle and sing



Lurid skyscrapers and paved ways
the forced fusion of nails and steel

The fragrant warmth of the sun's rays
the rare romantic quality we yearn to feel



Pain, glee, past, present all tied together
the animated harmony of a distant forest

Spinning, crashing, colliding forever
life, love, loss, rebirth chanting the endless chorus.

9 Comments:

Blogger De.vile said...

Theres something of groups and nomads in your poems that i adore. Good stuff for reals

1:53 AM  
Blogger Cocaine Jesus said...

i love the city and i like the way you use it in sharp relief against the panorama of the open country.

4:49 AM  
Blogger GEL said...

Again, you give us lovely strong images. I particularly like the opening through the stanza ending in "fusion of nails and steel."

If you don't want a gentle critique, please tell me and I'll hush in the future.I think your poem after that stanza is full of promise but could be much stronger if it was written with phrases (the series of words) less cliche. Please keep your ideas, rewrite them and still use "the animated harmony of a distant forest". That is a terrific phrase!

11:30 AM  
Blogger bert moth said...

de.vile - Thank you for the compliments! Do drop by again.

cj - Thank you. I was trying to capture the full spectrum. Not sure if it worked.

**silvermOOn** - Thank you for the comment. I definitely don't mind critiques or criticism. I enjoy experimenting with different forms, and I think I hemmed myself in a bit with this one.

1:54 PM  
Blogger Lorena said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

6:42 PM  
Blogger Lorena said...

there is something comforting in this poem. i'm always impressed by your selection of words, how beautifully they dance together in such amazing rhythm. and the photograph is perfect for this "endless chorus"

wow....:)

6:43 PM  
Blogger transience said...

your words well with the promise of rebirth. what a good way to start the year.

a great 2006 to you.

2:53 AM  
Blogger bert moth said...

lorena - Thank you for the kind words, and have a pleasant rebirth or keep on keepin on... or have a super new year!

transience - A great 2006 to you also. And to your avatar. I hope she finds what she's licking for.

11:08 PM  
Blogger Danny Sillada said...

This is lyrical and spiritual. Happy New Year!

Danny

4:31 AM  

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