Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Dear Diary (the I kinda think I'm not crazy edition),

Last night I was reading an article on free will to get me through a mild case of post-holiday depression (Mind you, this all may be due to increased levels of dopamine, which I diagnosed in myself many years ago). Midway through reading the article on free will, I asked myself why I was reading an article on free will. The irony hit me between the eyes like a sack of bricks.

I decided to stop reading, and I flipped on the television. “Groundhog Day” was on TBS, which was fortunate for me because I’m a member of the unofficial Bill Murray fan club. I caught the last 20 minutes. That lifted my spirits moderately. You know, happy ending and all. As I was planning my next move, the thought occurred to me that I could be knitting sweaters for the homeless at that moment.

“You’re relatively well off. Why are you doting on yourself? Think of someone less fortunate. Maybe you should be knitting sweaters for the homeless.”

“Dude, if all our minds were preoccupied with people less fortunate, nothing would get done, and we’d all be homeless. Your charity will be delivered fitly. Just trust your intuition, man.”

“I hadn’t thought of that.”

“Your intuition is infallible. Don’t doubt it, bitch.”

“You can really be an arrogant bastard.”

“I won’t apologize for that.”

This conversation carried on with myself until I fell asleep. I hadn’t thought I was schizophrenic…

It seems the more reasonably I try to act, the more unpredictable I am to myself.

This morning I finished the free will article.


Blogger bert moth said...

Go easy on me with this one. Please.

12:46 AM  
Blogger kimmy said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

9:53 AM  
Blogger {illyria} said...

i was gonna say something relatively smartarsed. but i read your comment. and thought the better of it.

i will say this though:

i love that you call yourself bitch.

9:54 AM  
Blogger bert moth said...

Drat. Now I wanna know the smartarsed comment. But it better not be something I don't like. heh.

As an aside, I don't know how to knit.

10:11 PM  
Blogger GEL said...

Oh, shoot, I saw your plea...even though you talk of free will, the voices inside your head are looking at me with puppy dog eyes (well that's all I can describe in case GEM reads this- yes, I'm joking- he believes in free will...) and I'm a sucker for guys who love the Beatles and Bill Murray, not to mention those with multiple personalities, a fine-*tuned* (but not high-strung) sense of humor... so where are you so I can fall asleep, too? GEM is away on travel and my pillow kicked me out of bed for squeezing it too hard

Seriously (if I could ever be serious here, hehe), this post tickled my funny bone and...uh...fill in the blank!! (Thank gawwwwwwwd Gem arrives home in a few hours!)

5:14 AM  
Blogger ozymandiaz said...

" It seems the more reasonably I try to act, the more unpredictable I am to myself."
This is but an expression of the uncertainty priciple and shows your inner self's connection to the universe. The more precisely you can measure (control) one aspect of yourself the less ability you will have to do so elsewhere within.
As for "free will" I thought the movie was contived and the whole thing at the end with the whale jumping over the boy was just...
Oh, wait...
that's not what you were talking about was it?

8:36 AM  
Blogger bert moth said...

gel - This Dylan Thomas quote seems apt:

“I hold a beast, an angel and a madman in me, and my enquiry is as to their working, and my problem is their subjugation and victory, downthrow and upheaval, and my effort is their self-expression.”

That's a lot to handle.

And GEM arrives soon to tickle... aw, shucks, I can't continue.

ozy - You're saying I can't subjugate my entire self? I think you're right.

As far as free will, most of the trouble lies in defining it.

e.g. The German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer said, as Einstein paraphrased it, that “a human can very well do what he wants, but cannot will what he wants.”

BTW, I liked when the whale jumped over the little boy. Is that so wrong? heheh.

8:06 PM  
Blogger GEL(Green-Eyed Lady) said...

Uh, I popped in here on my way back to zzzland (and hoping he's not snoring..)....uh, erm...uh yes, Gem would agree "that's a lot to handle." (innocent eyes...aren't they innocent on my header? ;)
Yes you could have said "ivories" although maybe they're

Seriously, I will give the quote it's proper contemplation when I've slept. I adore quotes and cerebral bantering/repoirtee. (forgive my spelling)

6:25 AM  
Blogger ozymandiaz said...

Would definfing free will put boundries upon it?
Once somehting is defined (which is an aspect of human nature) it becomes just that.
So if free will is defined it loses it's own free will.
Is this irony?
Can words have free will?
How about ideals (such as free will)?

8:15 AM  
Blogger bert moth said...

gel - Innocent and sort of expectant, yes.

Don't waste too much time on the quote. I don't mind being the only one who understands it in that context.

ozy - Oh, man. You're not going to make me answer those... Well, not now, anyway. I've no doubt we could talk in circles forever. Right this second I'm of the opinion that everything's illusory. And time's been my nemesis, more than usual, lately. If you think of anything, though, do share.

7:43 PM  
Blogger GEL(Green-Eyed Lady) said...

Hi- Man, I've been gone so long except for somnulent meanderings in here. Sorry!
Your quote in comments is crystal clear in reference to your wry conversation with yourself about free will. Terrific post. I can hear you talking to yourself or those voices inside your head. Wonderful "Endif" logic.

This line sprang out at me: "It seems the more reasonably I try to act, the more unpredictable I am to myself."

7:25 PM  
Blogger bert moth said...

No expectations, remember? Meander away. And I'm glad I'm making some sense and haven't completely lost my mind...yet.

Hmmm. I'm not sure what Endif logic is, but I think I'll take it as a compliment. Thanks!

7:20 PM  
Blogger bert moth said...

Oh, and about the line you highlighted. To some extent everyone's born with certain intrinsic characteristics that differentiate themselves. The easiest way to understand someone else is to assume they're like yourself, but the more fringe someone's ambitions, feelings, pride, etc., the more they'll be misunderstood. Sometimes even the rational aspect of your own self is shocked by other aspects, you know?

7:29 PM  

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