Tuesday, May 23, 2006

The Rites of Hi-Fi Necessity

I’ve never written about myself on this site, but I feel like it right now, so here goes:

God that was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said 'yes I think we've met before'
In that instant it started to pour,
Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across point champlain
And all of the time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name…

No no, that’s not it. Let’s try that again:

Before I left, the fortune cookie told me to keep your face to the sun and you will never see the shadows. Not good advice. I burn, and I happen to like shadows. So off I went across this strange land – ignoring the advice of the fortune cookie. There was a quiet expectancy, but more than that. I carried something. It was the silence of your eyes and the hope of your breath that drove me. In search of something about myself and driven by you. I wouldn’t have gone at all, but questions can gnaw and they can tear. I’d had enough.

Upon arrival it was apparent that life had settled into a routine. A rowdy, uproarious life no more, none the ever. It wasn’t too much of a shock, as absence breeding change is expected. Visiting an old friend was the cat’s pajamas, though there was something unsettling about what I viewed as this new complacency. To me, it seemed comfort fought the ego and the comfort won. Whether that’s a positive or not, I don’t know. I let it linger then gave farewells. I was off to the next stop.

It was at this point in transit that I realized something. When you’re moving and you find what you’re looking for, it can be too close to grasp. Or maybe you’re a little frightened of it. That may be why I ended up finding that next friend’s couch and that seedy strip bar next to the Super Target (onlyinamerica) and the open range. This was first stop redux. It was the beginning of a trend. The opportunity was seized, then farewells. Next destination…

Board, land, bla (aching for the brightness of your smile). At some point when I was here, my thoughts turned to Velcro sneakers and turtles. They both seemed like funny things that have their place – occupy a niche. Velcro sneakers and turtles never attempt anything beyond themselves it seems. They’re just right. That’s where I left it, and I surprised myself by actually looking forward to going home.

If there’s anything I’ve taken away from this, it’s that the sky can turn ecstasy when you least expect it. But now it’s back to practical matters and the next two months of my discontent.


Blogger transience said...

i love the intensity of this. heartwrenching in its honesty. you tell us things and hold back some. but i get my fix and am left aching for just a little bit more.

3:29 AM  
Blogger Inkblot said...

damn the suspense!

look to the trees and wine to talk to you. its so hard not to hide.

4:06 AM  
Blogger bert moth said...

transience - I think it may lack in the cogency dept. a bit. Some parts make sense and I'm unsure if others fit. It is honest, though. I'll have to try harder in the stylized non-fiction next time.

inkblot - I happen to have a glass and Chopin's piano concerto 2 right now (not a usual thing)!

And no running, just an intermission.

7:29 PM  
Blogger Stormy Zephyr said...

This is very sensual. I need to read it again, to understand the deeper tones in the words, there. It is like going through the nocturnes once and then the second time, you hear parts of the music you failed to hear, the first time. Somewhere, it touches spaces never touched before...The sugary smell of spring time..nice track as well. Chopin goes well with Macallan (preferrable an 18 year old, with just one cube of ice). Excellent work again, man!

12:38 AM  
Blogger Cocaine Jesus said...

doesn't lack cogency at all. pulls you in by the emotional collar and shakes your heart around a bit. good.

11:35 AM  
Blogger bert moth said...

stormy zephyr - Thanks, dude. Thank you also for the excellent scotch suggestion. I'm quite clueless regarding classical composers and drink pairings, but I suppose you'd know better than most given your musical inclinations and such.

cocaine jesus - I'm still leaning toward the notion that some parts don't fit wihin the schematic. I do appreciate your words and hope that collar wasn't heavily starched.

11:23 PM  
Blogger bert moth said...

Wait a sec. I just realized: poetry, scotch... all we're missing is our little friend Baxter (and a fabulous duster). Life's so incomplete.

11:47 PM  
Blogger Prerona said...

Ô¿Ô, thank you for dropping by. wrt ur comment on the sand and waves post, thats what i had in mind when i was writing the piece -the changing, flowing texture of wet sand and waves under my feet. you know how the sand gets tightly packed wet then gets looser as the waves comes in

"When you’re moving and you find what you’re looking for, it can be too close to grasp. Or maybe you’re a little frightened of it."

iliked this a lot. and also the way it fit in with something i was thinking abt today. u know, i had read once (in a richard bach book) that when u have a question in ur mind - ur mind leads uto an answer - somewhere, in some form ...

thank you. :)

12:30 AM  
Blogger bert moth said...

prerona - It was my pleasure, and sand making love to your feet...yeah, I know that texture. You painted wonderfully.

As for questions, the thing is - you always wonder what would have happened had you taken the other path.

12:33 AM  
Blogger GEL said...

"As for questions, the thing is - you always wonder what would have happened had you taken the other path." Oh, yes, this has inspired me and many a poet and writer, that deep eternal questioning.

I'm glad you did have that taste of ecstasy although I sense you're not happy now and are still searching. At least you know it IS possible. Bravo for your frankness and the allure written so hauntingly and precious to you.

1:53 AM  
Blogger bert moth said...

**silvermOOn** - I always take the path of most resistance. It's tougher to question 'what if?' that way.

Always searching... but I've actually tunnel vision at present.

2:46 AM  

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